Jenny Anydots

Currently I am watching 'Cats' - The Andrew Lloyd Webber musical. It is one of my favourite stage shows as I think the music is funky and the dancing is awesome and I only wish that I had stuck in at dancing cause that would have been my dream job. I consider myself a bit of a Jenny Anydots. I do everything but the thing I set out to do, ever the procrastinator!





So, since the last time I blogged (which seems a lifetime ago now) there have been a few things cropped up in my life. As I said in my last blog I was going to open a new blog to let you all know what it was and I clearly haven't done that I'll just start here and now.
As you may know, I have been diagnosed with Renal Failure twice now in my 26 years I've been alive. I've had two kidney transplants and I currently have no kidney's at all.
I am finding it a little harder to deal with this time through. I suppose it's because the first time it happens, you are just learning about it all and you get by because you have to, second time through you are wiser and have learned so know what to do and when to do it so you deal with it and handle it differently but third time around I have to admit I did have to check that it was all happening again. I couldn't believe it. Why? Why again? Once, twice...I can handle but a third time? That just takes the biscuit.
Something that I am going through this time is the type of Dialysis treatment I am currently getting. Hemodialysis is a completely different style of treatment however it does the same job as regular Dialysis by cleaning the blood through a machine. It cleans out the toxins in my body that a Kidney would normally take care of.
I attend Stobhill Renal Unit 3 times a week for 4 hours at a time to be attached to the machine in order for it to clean my blood for me. Yes, its the biggest pain in the neck ever and I am getting very fed up with it all now however I do need to remind myself that this machine is keeping me alive and there is nothing I can do until I get another Kidney and no one knows how long it will be before that happens.

I'm not entirely sure why I wanted to post this but hey, its out there now....


Watching: Cats
Feeling: Tired and Grumpy and Thirsty
Wanting: A drink

Fear and Hook

So, last night I had a bit of a rant with my good friend Dan and he was kind enough to be patient with me and listen to me ramble on about my fears of relationships and other things that I'm not going to get into detail (because it was a private conversation).
Now, afterwards, although feeling slightly better after getting some stuff off my chest, I still felt really down about my self but on telly, there was a documentary on about self help books, you know the ones that celebrities swear by and some even say helped them become the rich and famous person they are? Yeah, those ones.
Anyhoo, I was listening to it kind of half heartedly and not really getting into it until the doc maker spoke to a woman who had written a self help book after she was diagnosed with Breast Cancer 22 years ago. I felt I could really relate to her because what she said and her attitude towards her illness was sort of the same as the way I was or tried to be at least. She said that no matter what hits you, you have to just say "It's ok, I can do this." or "It's ok, I'm gonna get through this." and then she said something that I am never going to forget. She named her book and it was called "Face the fear then do it Anyway." I have to face my fear, get over the fear that I have of what people are going to think of me, what my parents are going to think of me and I have to just do it.
The documentary guy then went on to speak to other people about their self help books and one person spoke of how if you "think happy" then you'll "be happy". This made me think of a film I have watched for two nights in a row now and may watch it again tonight because its that good lol and that is one of Stephen Spielberg's earlier films, "Hook".
There is a scene in which Robbin Williams (Peter Pan) is sitting in a sling shot being prepared to learn how to fly. The lost boys are all around him with brightly coloured banners saying things such as "Ice Cream", "Puppies" and "Birthdays" but there was one that stood out from the rest and it read "Think Happy Thoughts".
So for now, I am going to "Think Happy Thoughts" and maybe I will think myself happier.

peas
xxx

First off...

So I now have a real blog. I may from now on keep my Bebo Blog for random stuff cause this kind of stuff scared people senseless haha
So, who am I? Im a 24 (almost) year old Maths and English Student who is honoured to call herself a Christian and goes to an amazing church called the Salvation Army. I have amazing christian and non christian friends who I love dearly and really wouldn't be here if it wasn't for them.
Now, this first post is just to get all my cards out on the table. Mainly to allow me to have an outlet to get things off my chest and to give a background about me, my illness and my christian life.
I posted the following on my Bebo blog, not sure how people took it to be honest, a couple of people commented but no one else has said anything yet lol so here goes with the first post. Enjoy
xxx


Firstly, if you already know this, then dont bother reading it, you already know everything Im gonna say anyways so
Secondly, Im not doing this to be melodramatic, I just feel lately that I've been mentioning it alot to folks and I get blank stares back and it cracks me up, in a funny way so I figured I'd tell you all at the same time.
Also, it kinda explains why I have never drunk alcohol before. If it wasn't for me being ill, Im sure I probably would drink despite being in the Army and the rules and regulations stating that "I must not drink alcohol, smoke, take drugs or harm my body in any way." or something to that effect.
Anyways, onto my rant hehe

23/2/1984, I was born. Queen Mothers hospital, Glasgow. As you know by now, nothing is ever simple for me, this was evident even right from birth. Trust me to be born with my head between my legs. Trouble was, my legs were the wrong way round too, they had been dislocated whilst still in my mother and I had managed to fold myself in half too. They operated on my legs a few times to fix them and after four years of being in plaster, I could finally walk.

Age 7:
I had just got home from an appointment at the Renal Unit in Yorkhill for one of my check ups, everything was going well until the phone rang. The Renal Unit wanted me back up to the hospital right away because my kidney's were far to small and had stopped working.
I was immediately put on Dialysis and stayed in hospital for a while. I missed out on nearly all of primary school due to hospital visits, appointments and infections that made me worse, thankfully all of them were fixable.

Age 11: It was a hot May 5th 1995 and the hospital had called twice already that year but this time they were sure they had a transplant.
I had a new kidney and I was starting High School, I thought it was the best year of my life.
High School came and went with relatively little happening, still had hospital appointments and stuff but that was just because they missed my sparkling personality and witty banter.

Jumping forward to the end of 2002, I started to get ill again. At first we thought it was just because the Western had decided that the kidney wasn't working as well as they wanted, so they poked and prodded the poor thing and my blood levels were reflecting that but by summer 03 It had definitely had enough and packed in. I don't blame it really, it had a good run of nearly 9 years so it was due to do something exciting.
More treatment followed and on 23rd February 04, yes, thats right, my Birthday, I was put back on Dialysis again and had my kidney removed. Oh, I really should say at this point that I only had one kidney, they had taken my original ones out when I was 9 lol
I lost alot of weight again, at my lightest I was just under 8 stone and between an 8 and a 10 in dress size, which I loved at the time but now realise I was extremely under weight and not healthy at all.
Spring and summer went by relatively quiet, although the hospital did want to put me on Hemo Dialysis which I refused to do because I knew that was the last straw and I wasn't ready for that yet.

Christmas 2004:
This is where my personal/reflective essay for english comes in handy. Everything that happened over Christmas that year is in that lol
I had come home from helping out my dad with his school christmas carol service at Paisley Abby and had gone to bed. Next thing I knew, my dad had come into my room and told me that the hospital had called. I thought they were gonna do some more poking and prodding, as they had gotten into the habit of doing by now, but he said they had a transplant for me haha
So there I go, up to the hospital expecting to be sent straight back home again as had happened so many times before but it didn't happen. I actually got my transplant. December 23rd 2004 @ 6am.

Everything has been perfect since then. My hospital appointments are now up to 6 weeks apart and my blood levels look like any other normal, healthy person believe it or not and I haven't been in hospital since.

As I said before, dont take this as me being melodramatic, I just wanted to get it off my chest and out in the open. Lots of people don't know me that well, especially those who I just met since August, which is quite alot actually lol so this is really for them, to explain why I do or don't do certain things and why I look like hell sometimes too haha!

comments and questions are appreciated thanks
peas
xxxxx