Pastry - I don't want to be a Memory.

Anyone here?

2009-08-18T00:42:00.002+01:00

So it seems I haven't blogged for a while...ok a year but there has been a lot going on in the last year that hasn't warrented blogging about but I hereby promise from now on in, I will blog at least once a month and if I don't, you have my permission to direct me to this blog post and henceforth kick my butt!

Signed
Leanne

Shine ((part 1))

2008-08-04T21:36:00.002+01:00

I don't wanna be adored
Don't wanna be first in line
Or make myself heard
I'd like to bring a little light
To shine a light on your life
To make you feel loved
No, don't wanna be the only one you know
I wanna be the place you call home
I lay myself down
To make it so, but you don't want to know
I give much more
Than I'd ever ask for
Will you see me in the end
Or is it just a waste of time
Trying to be your friend
Just shine, shine, shine
Shine a little light
Shine a light on my life
Warm me up again
Fool, I wonder if you know yourself at all
You know that it could be so simple
I lay myself down
To make it so, but you don't want to know
You take much more
Than I'd ever ask for
Say a word or two to brighten my day
Do you think that you could see your way
To lay yourself down
And make it so, but you don't want to know
You take much more
Than I'd ever ask for

For Callum

2008-07-05T01:32:00.001+01:00

BLOG

Ever Thine, Ever Mine, Ever Ours

2008-06-26T20:49:00.004+01:00

Ok, so a few things have cleared themselves up, mainly due to me ignoring them and them going away ha but I just wanted to share my views on the Sex and the City movie.
I personally wasn't all that fussed about seeing it at first because I hadn't really gotten into the tv series due to other Wednesday evening commitments but I went along to see it, not really expecting anything overly spectacular or for anything to jump out at me...silly me!
I cried through the entire first half. Seriously. I have an idea why and for me, the entire first half was kind of the way I was feeling at that time. Now, here is where I come dangerously close to saying things I dont want to but lets just say that the way Carrie felt at her "Big" mess up (for those who haven't seen it yet) was how I was feeling at the time but seeing her friends rally round her the way they did made me realise that my friends would do the exact thing for me and have done, so really, this is a big thanks to them and as for the movie, I'd go see it again cause I missed the first half due to crying.

"Life doesn't always turn out to be your fantasy, thats why you need friendships that are real to get you through it all."

peas
xoxo

quick update

2008-05-31T00:30:00.005+01:00

hmm so I really want to blog something right now but I have so many thoughts in my head that it's virtually impossible for me to go through my brain and decide what I want to blog about and what is appropriate too. Lots to do with my private life and lots to do with my everyday normal life and sorting through that is just the beginning so I think the best thing to do just now is to ask for prayers or whatever you do cause until my head gets sorted, I can't blog.

Update:
Exams are over. Almost stress free.
I am taking a day off tomorrow, an actual day off. I'm going to play the wii for most of the day then at night watch "I'd do anything." and "Dr Who" both of which I haven't seen for weeks and weeks.
Im loving "The Big Bang Theory" right now, very funny.
I went Go-Karting today, so much fun but I have a sore back now, not fun.
Have a look at my slideshow, there's some pretty funky pictures in there.
I have a crazy bunch of new friends, its unreal! Love it!

peas
xx

A few thoughts...

2008-04-21T16:18:00.005+01:00

I probably won't have a chance to write anything here for a while since I was so kindly reminded today by Fraser, my maths teacher, that its now four short weeks till my final exams. So here's a few thoughts to keep you all busy over the next few weeks.
Yup, four weeks and its all over. Scary thought eh? Thats what has been going through my mind for the past couple of weeks whilst I was on holiday, a well earned and much appreciated holiday at that, and yes, it does scare me. It scares me that in just four weeks, I will have done my best to get the results I need to go to Uni in September, or not done well enough and I have to go back and try again.

Another thing that's scaring me right now is that I took over the singing company (junior choir) at the Army in January for a trial period (supposed to be lasting a month), and suddenly I have little people to be responsible for. Like having my own little people family to watch over, encourage and in some cases, learn from.
It scares me that I might not be the best for them or what they need right now or that my studies are going to take over and I'm going to lose that connection with them that I got back in January when I first started. It scares me that these kids are now watching every little thing I do and may or may not copy what I do, repeat what I say or act how I act and I'm not sure if I'm ready for that yet.

If you didn't already know by now, our Officer (minister) Chris was taken into hospital a while ago and was diagnosed with having a mini stroke. Now this came as a complete and utter surprise to every single one of us. How can a man his age and with his energy have a mini stroke?
And yet, every time I ask how he is, he tells me he has nothing to complain about. What a guy?!
He gave his testimony during the meeting on Sunday night (as he's still not allowed to work properly) and he was clearly meant to say something that night, either to help me or someone else, I don't know, but he read the words of the song "I'm in His hands."
This song has become one of a surprise favourite of mine over the past couple of years since it was sung at Music School by someone.

I'm in His hands
I'm in His hands
Whatever the future holds
I'm in His hands.
The days I cannot see
Have all been planned for me
His way is best, you see,
I'm in His hands.

Enough said, I think.

Just a few...

2008-04-02T18:17:00.000+01:00

Random thoughts.

In my bag: 1 Higher Maths Past Paper text book.

1 A4 notebook with maths and english inside.
1 English Critical Essay Question Paper
1 English Critical Essay on Havisham
1 English Close Reading paper Questions/Passages
1 iPod Nano 2gb (with headphones)
listening to Girls Aloud,
essential studying material.
1 Bottle of water x2
1 Purse (brown) with not alot of money in it.
1 Max Factor Lip Shine and Protector
1 Old Train Ticket
Not Seen: Hankies and Study Cards

I burnt a pizza last week at youth fellowship, I left it in the oven for over an hour haha

Favourite Ad at the moment is the cadbury one with the trucks.
Class!

View from the College Library:

Note the new building is mahoosive!
Speaking of college, there is a hottie, yes one single (well married actually) hottie but he's grown a beard!
Now tell me why you would want to grow a beard and cover this face?

Also note, this is not a joke, he is actually a lecturer at the college :D
yummy!

Random Text:
Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it but only you can feel its warmth.
Thank you for being the pee in my pants!

Random Thought:
Neighbours is exciting!

Goggle?

2008-04-01T21:16:00.002+01:00

I, just like Kevin, Googled my name hehe

http://www.bebo.com/Profile.jsp?MemberId=6074391754

scared much?

xx

Not alot really...

2008-03-14T13:53:00.002Z

Well, my prelim exams are over, the stress is gone but those great and wonderful plans I had made for my whole week off are all gone too. Originally, I had planned a total detox for myself: drink nothing but water (and the occasional cuppa), eat more fruit, go out more during the day even if it was just for a walk and go to bed at a decent hour, but then Sunday night, when I came home from the meeting, I started having coughing fits again (the first after being at Dan's house).
Monday morning I awoke with no voice and an aching throat. "It's fine, I'll be good by tomorrow." Or so I thought. Its now Friday and it got worse, the less I say the better for you, trust me.
So it just goes to show that no matter how much you prepare for something, it can all go disastrously wrong over night aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrgh!!

Freezing in London

2008-02-21T21:28:00.001Z

16th Feb 08
The day London froze. Inspired by improv everywhere and made a reality by 100's of volunteers. At exactly 3:30pm on a secret cue, almost everyone in the square froze. The few bewildered tourists didn't know what was happening. For 5 minutes the participants held their positions, and then magically everyone unfroze.

Why? Well, why not.

Fear and Hook

2008-02-20T17:32:00.005Z

So, last night I had a bit of a rant with my good friend Dan and he was kind enough to be patient with me and listen to me ramble on about my fears of relationships and other things that I'm not going to get into detail (because it was a private conversation).
Now, afterwards, although feeling slightly better after getting some stuff off my chest, I still felt really down about my self but on telly, there was a documentary on about self help books, you know the ones that celebrities swear by and some even say helped them become the rich and famous person they are? Yeah, those ones.
Anyhoo, I was listening to it kind of half heartedly and not really getting into it until the doc maker spoke to a woman who had written a self help book after she was diagnosed with Breast Cancer 22 years ago. I felt I could really relate to her because what she said and her attitude towards her illness was sort of the same as the way I was or tried to be at least. She said that no matter what hits you, you have to just say "It's ok, I can do this." or "It's ok, I'm gonna get through this." and then she said something that I am never going to forget. She named her book and it was called "Face the fear then do it Anyway." I have to face my fear, get over the fear that I have of what people are going to think of me, what my parents are going to think of me and I have to just do it.
The documentary guy then went on to speak to other people about their self help books and one person spoke of how if you "think happy" then you'll "be happy". This made me think of a film I have watched for two nights in a row now and may watch it again tonight because its that good lol and that is one of Stephen Spielberg's earlier films, "Hook".
There is a scene in which Robbin Williams (Peter Pan) is sitting in a sling shot being prepared to learn how to fly. The lost boys are all around him with brightly coloured banners saying things such as "Ice Cream", "Puppies" and "Birthdays" but there was one that stood out from the rest and it read "Think Happy Thoughts".
So for now, I am going to "Think Happy Thoughts" and maybe I will think myself happier.

peas
xxx

First off...

2008-02-19T12:44:00.000Z

So I now have a real blog. I may from now on keep my Bebo Blog for random stuff cause this kind of stuff scared people senseless haha
So, who am I? Im a 24 (almost) year old Maths and English Student who is honoured to call herself a Christian and goes to an amazing church called the Salvation Army. I have amazing christian and non christian friends who I love dearly and really wouldn't be here if it wasn't for them.
Now, this first post is just to get all my cards out on the table. Mainly to allow me to have an outlet to get things off my chest and to give a background about me, my illness and my christian life.
I posted the following on my Bebo blog, not sure how people took it to be honest, a couple of people commented but no one else has said anything yet lol so here goes with the first post. Enjoy
xxx

Firstly, if you already know this, then dont bother reading it, you already know everything Im gonna say anyways so
Secondly, Im not doing this to be melodramatic, I just feel lately that I've been mentioning it alot to folks and I get blank stares back and it cracks me up, in a funny way so I figured I'd tell you all at the same time.
Also, it kinda explains why I have never drunk alcohol before. If it wasn't for me being ill, Im sure I probably would drink despite being in the Army and the rules and regulations stating that "I must not drink alcohol, smoke, take drugs or harm my body in any way." or something to that effect.
Anyways, onto my rant hehe

23/2/1984, I was born. Queen Mothers hospital, Glasgow. As you know by now, nothing is ever simple for me, this was evident even right from birth. Trust me to be born with my head between my legs. Trouble was, my legs were the wrong way round too, they had been dislocated whilst still in my mother and I had managed to fold myself in half too. They operated on my legs a few times to fix them and after four years of being in plaster, I could finally walk.

Age 7:
I had just got home from an appointment at the Renal Unit in Yorkhill for one of my check ups, everything was going well until the phone rang. The Renal Unit wanted me back up to the hospital right away because my kidney's were far to small and had stopped working.
I was immediately put on Dialysis and stayed in hospital for a while. I missed out on nearly all of primary school due to hospital visits, appointments and infections that made me worse, thankfully all of them were fixable.

Age 11: It was a hot May 5th 1995 and the hospital had called twice already that year but this time they were sure they had a transplant.
I had a new kidney and I was starting High School, I thought it was the best year of my life.
High School came and went with relatively little happening, still had hospital appointments and stuff but that was just because they missed my sparkling personality and witty banter.

Jumping forward to the end of 2002, I started to get ill again. At first we thought it was just because the Western had decided that the kidney wasn't working as well as they wanted, so they poked and prodded the poor thing and my blood levels were reflecting that but by summer 03 It had definitely had enough and packed in. I don't blame it really, it had a good run of nearly 9 years so it was due to do something exciting.
More treatment followed and on 23rd February 04, yes, thats right, my Birthday, I was put back on Dialysis again and had my kidney removed. Oh, I really should say at this point that I only had one kidney, they had taken my original ones out when I was 9 lol
I lost alot of weight again, at my lightest I was just under 8 stone and between an 8 and a 10 in dress size, which I loved at the time but now realise I was extremely under weight and not healthy at all.
Spring and summer went by relatively quiet, although the hospital did want to put me on Hemo Dialysis which I refused to do because I knew that was the last straw and I wasn't ready for that yet.

Christmas 2004:
This is where my personal/reflective essay for english comes in handy. Everything that happened over Christmas that year is in that lol
I had come home from helping out my dad with his school christmas carol service at Paisley Abby and had gone to bed. Next thing I knew, my dad had come into my room and told me that the hospital had called. I thought they were gonna do some more poking and prodding, as they had gotten into the habit of doing by now, but he said they had a transplant for me haha
So there I go, up to the hospital expecting to be sent straight back home again as had happened so many times before but it didn't happen. I actually got my transplant. December 23rd 2004 @ 6am.

Everything has been perfect since then. My hospital appointments are now up to 6 weeks apart and my blood levels look like any other normal, healthy person believe it or not and I haven't been in hospital since.

As I said before, dont take this as me being melodramatic, I just wanted to get it off my chest and out in the open. Lots of people don't know me that well, especially those who I just met since August, which is quite alot actually lol so this is really for them, to explain why I do or don't do certain things and why I look like hell sometimes too haha!

comments and questions are appreciated thanks
peas
xxxxx